壁球比赛结束了。场边的观众、家长以及场内的运动员们议论纷纷。以失败告终的我感觉大家都在议论我，就像病毒传染一样迅速。“你没看到那个球吗？太次了......”我的胃里翻腾着，头一阵阵发晕，难以面对现实的残酷。当失败公诸于众，除了沮丧、尴尬还有阵阵强烈的羞耻感，恨不得自己找个地缝钻进去。生气，气自己。
随着在班上名次的提升，我的恐惧感越来越强烈。成功的压力以及挫败的担忧迫使我自己要在各方面争第一。慢慢的，失败的恐惧感就大过成功的喜悦感。
我分析了比赛的失利之后，意识到自己多么希望对手犯错的心理。除了想要赢得比赛，过去的种种经历告诉我不可以失败。这种致命的意识占据了我的思想并且影响了我未来的生活。我不敢在大众面前唱歌，不敢表达自己的观点，甚至在喜欢的男生面前也不敢讲话。
我明白恐惧与激情就是一个事物的两个方面。在恐惧面前，人会犹豫不决会缺乏自信，凡事只会说“No”；而激情会让人充满自信坚持信念，乐观向上。我要改变态度，重新找回“Oh Yes”。
这种积极的想法很快就在一次经历中得到了验证。高二秋季学期，不同于那次壁球竞争赛犹如鱼缸大小的赛场，我现在成了数学课堂上唯一的女生*(1)。当我从那群身着球衣打着领带的男生跟前经过时，我能本能地感觉到他们投来的犀利目光，穿透我皮肤每一个毛孔，似乎是不忿一个女孩打入了他们布伦瑞克兄弟的数学神圣殿堂。
开课第一天，我充满了恐惧，观察着周边的男生，想要跟他们说点什么，但还是强迫自己用心学习。没错，这是我的一段困难时期，但是，我在数学方面很有潜力，我属于这里，我要呆在这里。
这些乐观向上的想法超越了我的胆怯。我惊奇的发现在考试中，这些男生渐渐放弃了修养，他们开始大喊大叫，说一些莫名其妙的答案，有的还发出很多动物的叫声。他们就这样毫无顾忌的放纵自己的行为，一点儿都没有觉得羞耻。我暗暗的开始欣赏他们的这种坦率以及面对困境敢于冒险的意愿。于是，我决定敞开心扉，迎接机遇与激情。
几个月后，我再一次回到壁球赛场，把球抛到了空中，当它越过头顶的瞬间，我没有注意结果而是尽自己最大的力量去抛。我开始享受整个比赛的过程，结果已经不是那么重要了。我意识到每一次比赛，在班上举手发言再或者是刷新一次记录，我都在冒险：也许我尽了120分的努力换来的还是失败。
我不再害怕，不再恐惧。我自信的表达自己的想法和观点，哪怕最后会被拒绝也无所谓。恐惧感偶尔会偷偷的滑过我的脑海，但很快就会随着一句“Oh Yes！”而逝去。
分析
不同于平常看过的ESSAY，作者走了一条相反的道路，别人都在写自己的成功，而她却写了自己一次失败的经历。成功带来的没有喜悦感只有恐惧感，恐惧失败，恐惧挫败。整篇ESSAY记录了作者全部的心路历程，并且显示了她最终成功战胜失败恐惧的经历。
在跟我们讲述了壁球比赛失利之后，她努力的让自己面对现实。她应该提供一些证据证明自己，但恰恰这时，她却穿插了数学课的经历，有点喧宾夺主的感觉，削弱了文章的说服力。如果与论点紧密结合，其结论效果会更强。但是，换一种全新的角度来阐发一种旧观点还是很不错的。
原文参考：
NATASHA KINGSHOTT—“OVERCOMING THE FEAR OF FAILURE”
The faint whispers of gossiping spectators, players, and parents escalated as news of my defeat spread through the squash (壁球)complex like an infection. “Did you see that shot . . . What a stunning upset . . .” My stomach churned and my head spun as I came to terms with reality. I buried my face in my arms, paralyzed by the loss. I was disappointed in myself for losing, embarrassed that my defeat had been so public, and angry that I had no one to blame but myself.
As my ranking climbed, so did my fear of losing. The pressure to succeed and the worry of personal and public embarrassment drove my desire to “win” in all my endeavors. Gradually, the dread of failure superseded the joy of success.
As I analyzed the match, I realized that I had hoped my opponent would make errors. Rather than playing to win, I had played not to lose, a subtle but vitally important difference in mind-set that began to seep into other aspects of my life. I hesitated to try out for a solo in a cappella, to voice a controversial opinion, or to talk to the boy I secretly admired.
Fear and passion, I realized, are two sides of the same emotion. Fear approaches a challenge with hesitation and diffidence. The potential pitfalls and difficulties generate dread and anxiety, contributing to an “Oh no!” outlook. On the other hand, passion approaches the same challenge with conviction and optimism. The promise of opportunity inspires a desire to embrace risk. I decided I needed to recapture my intrepid spirit and develop an “Oh yes!” attitude.
This more positive mind-set was soon tested as I navigated a gauntlet of testosterone in the fall of my junior year. Instead of the fishbowl arena of a competitive squash court, I found myself in the conspicuous situation of being the only girl in an all-male math class. As I advanced past a cluster of sports coats and ties, I could feel the critical stares penetrate my skin as the boys grappled with the idea that a girl had infiltrated the sacred brotherhood of Brunswick math.
The first days were awkward as I silently observed the boys, trying to find my voice, but I disciplined myself to focus on the intellectual and social benefits of the experience. Yes, it was a difficult transition, but I am a capable math student. I deserved to be there.
These positive thoughts surmounted my reservations. I was surprised to see the boys abandon their inhibitions as they yelled ridiculous answers or made animal noises in the middle of a test. They acted without anticipating or fearing the consequences of their decisions, exposing themselves every day, impervious to shame. I emulated their candor and learned from their willingness to take risks and accept the possibility of blundering. I opened myself to new opportunities, rediscovering my passion and spirit.
A few months later, I stretched into the front right corner of the squash court and lifted the ball into the air. As it sailed overhead, I was less concerned with the outcome of the point. Of greater importance was my resolve to push my abilities to the limit. I channeled my passion into a constructive emotion that inspired me to chase down my opponent’s spectacular drop shot and to stay in the rally. I have come to realize that every time I compete, raise my hand in class, or attempt to hit a new note, I take a risk. I might perform at my very best but still lose.
I am no longer afraid to tackle complex math problems, but instead embrace the intellectual stimulation they provide. I confidently express my ideas, despite the chance they may be rejected. The possibility of failure still occasionally skates through my mind, but it is quickly eclipsed as I silently rejoice, Oh Yes!
COMMENTARY
Unlike many other applicants, the author of this essay writes about a time she failed rather than a time she succeeded. She describes the unique lesson she learned from this experience: The lesson is not that she needed to be humbled, as the reader might expect, but rather that she should be willing to take risks. She recognizes that rather than “playing to win,” she had been “playing not to lose”—primarily as a result of pressures she had placed on herself to avoid failure. The essay provides insight into her thought process and shows that she is now a positive thinker who sees the benefits inherent in an experience—and in overcoming a loss.
After explaining what she learned from her squash failure, she attempts to show the reader how she turned this realization into reality. However, when the author attempts to provide evidence of her new attitude, she wanders off course when discussing how she emulated the boys in her math class. Tackling too much in too little space dilutes the strength of the essay, and the author’s conclusion would have been stronger had her argument been tighter. Nevertheless, it is refreshing to read an essay that examines an old idea from a new angle, and that bears the marks of a good writer.
—Alina Voronov
