11岁那年我得到了一尊小型佛像。母亲说这尊佛像可以实现我的心愿：前提是我必须每天抚摸它的肚皮达到300次之多。那个时候对于我这样年龄的孩子，早已经不相信举头三尺有神明这样的话了，但是，内心深处还是有对神话故事的向往和冲动。所以，每天晚上我都会按照妈妈说的那样做，摸着它圆嘟嘟的肚皮直到数到300。心里默念着那个怀揣已久的愿望——美国。向往可以在美国生活，一个充满迪士尼童话色彩的世界，那里有我的好莱坞偶像和英雄，大部分都是从父母那里听说来的。但是，当我真正踏上思念已久的那片神秘土地的时候，我想要感谢的却是那尊小佛像。
即使在童话故事里，我们所看到无一例外的，没有一个主人公不是经历了千难万险才修成正果的。美国的生活也并没有我想象的那么顺利。首先，我要克服的就是语言关。最开始只能说一些磕磕巴巴的短语和句子。渐渐的，我打消了“理想”的追寻。甚至觉得这里就是另一个塔什干，只不过多一点高楼大厦，人们用的不是索姆而是美元。
但是，当我的英语提升后，我发现生活中有了些许微妙的变化。第一点：有形资产（机械的记忆与实践）；第二点是无形资产（我开始养成了英语式的思维模式）。
当我的英语进步越来越大的时候，我意识到学校里不同想法与观点的学生很多，每一个人都强烈的去表达自身意愿。这让我觉得很没有礼貌。他们背地里怎么可以这样评论老师？慢慢的，我开始理解了，权威不代表真理。每一个人都有表达自己意愿与态度的权利。我也一样。10年级加入校报的时候，我就坚持以“理”服人。因为这是我从来都不曾想过的，这在我的家乡是绝对不可能存在的。
除此之外，在美国这个充满机遇的广阔土地上，我又看到了新的意义。这里到处都是机遇。我可以选修自己喜欢和感兴趣的课程专业，如生物与写作，这一切都唤醒了我内心深处的欲望：改变世界。而这在塔什干是不存在的，因为那里没有言论自由，没有太多的机遇，学校里没有选修课，所有人都只能申请同一所大学，当地唯一的最好的大学。
但给我印象更深的是美国文化和政策的包容性传统，这里的人们来自世界每一角落，充满了异国文化色彩，多样化的民族文化深深的影响着这个国家和她的政府政策。就好比我，虽然来自塔什干，但不会因为来到美国而忘记自己的国家民族以及传统。正是因为我的国家与文化培养了我独一无二的世界观和对未来的渴望与憧憬。
我在这里找到了一种新的归属感。它不是理想的，不是遥不可及不可触摸的。它融合了我的文化、我的根、我对于自由的向往以及自由的选择。
可是，这就意味着幸福完美的结局了吗？我很骄傲的说这仅仅是另一个崭新的开始。下一步故事的主角就是开启大学的美好生活，带上装在背包里的那尊佛像。
分析
这篇ESSAY是作者的亲身经历的动情抒发。通过描写作者举家搬迁到美国，揭开了美国人的生活方式，与大学录取紧密结合。
作者先以一个有趣的佛像故事开头，随后很聪明的快而准的切换到文章中。作为一位乌兹别克移民到美国的女孩，她写了很多关于美国生活特点：言论自由、文化自由等，同时又表达了自己对于本民族的真实表达。这些吸引到了招生官。
缺点：文章主题太多缺乏重点描写。文中，作者提出了很多问题没有解答。如生物学与写作，二者看似风马牛不相及的事物为什么要拉在一起说呢？而选修课具体又是如何培养了她的兴趣也没有具体说明。ESSAY不像CV，不能面面俱到，但是，ESSAY的精髓就是要做到独一无二。整体而言，还是一篇很好的ESSAY。
—Derrick Asiedu
参考原文：
（6）OLGA ZINOVEVA—“NEW KIND OF MAGIC”
I was eleven when I got my tiny Buddha statuette. My mom explained that if I asked for one favor and rubbed his fat belly three hundred times, he would grant it. At that age, I had ceased believing that monsters lived on top of my wardrobe, but something in me still refused to abandon the possibility of fairy-tale magic.
So I rubbed his belly three hundred times, not once, but every night, always with one wish in mind: to live in America, a world full of Disney magic, where beautiful and powerful Hollywood heroes walked the streets. I must have gotten the idea of moving from my parents, who talked about it sometimes, but when we were finally on the plane to that mysterious land, it was the statuette I was thanking, not them.
But even in fairy-tale books, the protagonist never gets to the happy ending without strife. So I, too, had to overcome the language barrier, first speaking only in choppy phrases, then thinking and finally even dreaming in English. By then, I had already given up my search for magic, and even thought that this place was just another Tashkent, with a few skyscrapers here and there, and U.S. dollars instead of soms.
But as my language improved, I realized My book had two parts.
The first one was purely mechanical—a matter of practice and memorization. But the second one was intangible: I might have been thinking and writing in English, but my thought processes, experiences, and values were foreign. I had given up on the magic too early.
As I understood more spoken English, I noticed that there were almost as many different opinions as people at my school, and each person debated his or her position ruthlessly. It seemed almost impudent to me: How could they argue with the teacher? But I gradually understood that here, the authority does not always hold the truth—everyone is allowed to have and voice his or her own vision of the world. And I got to have my own truth, too. When I joined my school newspaper in tenth grade, my truth gained a loud voice. This was when the idea of magic crept back to me, subtly, because such freedom was unimaginable in Uzbekistan, even if I had never dreamed about it as I did about fairies.
But my discoveries did not stop at freedom. As the years went on, America’s definition as “the land of opportunity” took on a new meaning for me. There are so many choices here, most within my grasp given enough time and hard work. Here, the possibility of choosing electives both broadened and defined my interest in biology and writing, and the opportunities that colleges offered awakened my ambition to change the world. None of this would have been possible in Uzbekistan, where electives didn’t exist, and everyone applied to the same college because it was the only “good” one.
But most importantly, I learned the impact that diversity had on the history of this nation, and its significance in shaping the country’s policy today. I did not need to forget my experiences and traditions to be a part of this world. My connection to my native land is a big part of what makes me an individual with unique perspectives on the world and my own future.
I discovered a new kind of magic here—one that is not embodied in miracles. It is in this world’s acceptance of my roots, and the freedom to grow in any direction I choose.
But is this the happy ending? I am glad to say that it is only another beginning. The next part of the story will find its protagonist on the steps of college, with a little Buddha statuette tucked safely away in her backpack.
COMMENTARY
This essay takes a prominent aspect of the author’s life—her move to America and exposure to American lifestyle—and makes it part of a cohesive narrative that is both inspiring and relevant to college admissions.
After starting with a creative and intriguing opening about her Buddha statue and its potential for magic, she makes the wise decision to quickly transition into the focus of her essay: her experiences and challenges as an Uzbek native who immigrates to America. She delights in learning about the rights that most Americans take for granted, such as the opportunity to express her own opinion. The writer displays a genuine appreciation for freedom and diversity and seeks to remain true to her background while she simultaneously accepts the opportunities offered by life in America—all traits that admissions officers find appealing.
While the themes and experiences the writer discusses are all excellent ones to convey to readers, she attempts to mention so many different topics that her essay seems somewhat disjointed. While her spirit of discovery and optimism remains consistent throughout, her essay suffers from a lack of specificity. The reader ends the essay with questions about many of the details she mentions. For example, biology and writing seem like strange bedfellows—how do they relate to each other, and what exactly about her electives fostered an interest in them? Although the essay should not be a retelling of the résumé, it should also offer a little more insight into the individual and what distinguishes her experiences from those of other immigrants. Overall, the subject matter is excellent, but it would be better still with a narrower focus.
—Derrick Asiedu
