中世纪，有这样一种惯例，它告诉我们该如何向他人介绍自己。有三个步骤：

1 你要告诉别人你的信仰是什么；

2 你要告诉别人你的家在哪里；

3 你姓什么。

即使在今天，这种介绍人的方法依然很有效。

如果让我第一个介绍自己，我首先会直接声明我是一名学者（学习就是我的信仰）；我是我们社区的一名志愿者；我家人的幸福直接取决于我今后的计划与目标（因为家的意义不仅仅在于它的血缘关系）

我先定义自己是一名学者而不是说我的性别，尽管，性别对我来讲也很重要，但是我始终认为，知识是没有性别的，知识的力量是超越性别的。所以说，我是一名思想家，一个一直学习的人，一名学者。学习，就是我的信仰。

单词就像是“圣经”，老师就像“牧师”。我尊重和敬畏单词就像其他人尊重、敬畏或是畏惧上帝的旨意一般。我明白它们都是很有个性的，我必须努力将其变为我自己的东西。

因此，我就有了收集单词的习惯。像“手镯”和“水晶”这些有着让人神往和光彩夺目特质的词，我把它们悬在我的意识深处储蓄光亮。我视作宝贝的单词，是由我的老师们传递给我的，——这里的老师不是指某些“持有教师资格证的人”——而是那些真正启发过我的灵魂，点燃我的热情，改变我对世界的认知的人；我们一道，就像惠特曼说过的“漫步在浩瀚的知识宇宙中”，渴望燃烧自己，照亮别人。

我的大学生活必定是我自我提高中的下一站风景，但是除此之外。我是多么希冀从教授们那里获取知识，获得思想的启迪，点燃我求知的渴望，改变我对世界的认知。我希望我对这个世界的认知在一开始的时候就可以发生轻微的转变，那样的话，我就可以在后面坚定地维护我的信仰，并且亲身经历发现知识带来的喜悦。这样的话，我对大学唯一的期许就会遇到挑战了。我会把我接下来四年的大学生活珍视为我人生的机遇；我可以抓住机遇，也可以通过不断积累知识武装自己。或者也可以仅仅凭借参加各种比赛，获得好的成绩——但愉悦只是这些单词它们自己的，我却从有过它们相同的感受。显然，我在追求前一种方式——一个可以让我自由思考的方式。

心动不如行动，我们不应该把建设与奉献挂在嘴边，而应该将它们融入到日常生活当中来。也因为这个，自我提高也不应该仅仅局限在学术领域，因为大学的经历本身不仅仅局限在课堂里——大学的学习，是塑造自我、完善自我的过程，在这个过程里，人的个性和学术风格都将得到形成与发展。我相信，在即将开启的大学生活里，我会遇到一些人，他们会愿意向我展现并与我分享他们对生活的兴趣。这样的大家庭，将会帮助我成为一名真正的学者，而我作为家庭的一员，也将对成为这个家庭的贡献者。

但是，不论是家人、大家庭还是老师，都无法包括我的全部——就好像一本书只有第一页，第一页只有第一行有一个未写完的句子一样——这是一个未完待续的故事。

分析

Levey的ESSAY更像是一名知识分子的自我探索之作。她强调自己对学习毋庸置疑的热爱，很明显她对散文的掌握轻车熟路。这篇ESSAY，如果再多一点点低调的优雅会更完美。开头引言用到中世纪的关于介绍自己的历史习俗是非常有趣的，这样她可以很自然且很成功地将她自己和自己在社会上的身份介绍给读者。文章的前两段是很容易被理解的，只是过多的多音词的运用反而降低了文章的可读性。像这种个人陈述类的文章，“向大家展示自己远比告诉别人你是谁”更能让人信服。以前的她经历了什么精神洗礼？她在哪里真正的获得了自我成长？“我的大学生活必定是我自我提高中的下一站风景，但是除此之外。我是多么希冀从教授们那里获取知识，获得思想的启迪，点燃我求知的渴望，改变我对世界的认知。”这部分有点空洞。你不必告诉别人“大学将是你获取知识的下一站”，这个应该是读者从ESSAY本身中感受到的。

英文原版essay参考

During the Middle Ages, a ritual existed which dictated how an individual introduced himself or herself. This introductory process was threefold: first, it demanded that the individual’s religion be named; next, the individual’s town or community was stated; and finally, the family name was said. Even today, this method of introduction can be effective in conveying the character or identity of an individual.

If I were top introduce myself, I would simply state that I am a scholar (learning is my religion); I am a contributor to the greater well-being of my community; and my family will be determined by my future plans and goals (since family includes, but is not limited, to blood relations).。

While my gender is extremely important to me, I first identify myself as a scholar because intellect does not have a sex. Knowledge transcends gender. Therefore, I am a thinker, a learner, and a scholar. To me, the process of learning is religious.

Words are my “bible,” teachers are my “priests.” I respect and revere words like others respect, revere, and fear the idea of God. I understand that words are alive and I must wrestle them down and tame them in order for them to become my own.

Hence, I make it a habit to collect words. Then, like bangles and crystals that possess psychedelic and prismatic qualities, I hang the words in my mind for illumination. The meaning of my precious words are revealed to me by teachers not just those who have a “teaching certificate,” but those who awaken my mind, who ignite my senses, who alter my perception of the world; together, as Walt Whitman says, we “roam in thought over the universe,” seeking to enlighten ourselves and one another.

The college experience, as I perceive it, in addition to it being the next stop on my journey for self-enlightenment, is to be the crescendo of my intellectual revolution catalyzed by professors who can awaken my mind, ignite my senses, and alter my perception of the world. I hope that my perception of the world will be slightly turned on its head and that I will be made to defend my beliefs and experience the true meaning of intellectual discovery. Thus, my only real expectation for college is to be challenged. I look upon the next four years of my life as an opportunity; I can either seize the chance and significantly better myself through the accumulation of new knowledge or I can merely go through the paces, achieve good grades, but never really feel the excitement of the words themselves. Obviously, I am looking for the former scenario == a place where mental gymnastics are applauded.

But mental contortions should not be done just for the sake of doing them; rather, they should be understood and applied to everyday life. For this reason, my quest for self-enlightenment is not limited to the sphere of academics because the college experience itself is not limited to classes – it is the formation of the complete individual, which means developing both social and academic personalities. I have confidence that the people I will meet in college will show me and share with me their enormous zest for life. This extended family will help me to forge my identity as a scholar, as a contributor to my community, and as a member of a family.

But neither my family nor my extended family nor my teachers could comprise my entire identity. Rather, I will remain like the first page of a book with the first line incomplete – a story waiting to be told.

ANALYSIS

Levey’s essay is very much a self-exploration of being an intellect. Her idea of emphasizing her love of learning is solid and she clearly has a sophisticated grasp of prose, but the overall package might have done better with a little more understated elegance. The introduction is intriguing with the use of an unobvious historical fact about customs in the Middle Ages. She successfully introduces herself and her perception of her role in the world. The first two paragraphs are an easy read, except that the use of too many polysyllabic adjectives can become a little bit distracting. Personal essays that are “show me rather than tell me” tend to be more convincing. What mental gymnastics has she experienced before? Where has she really pushed for self-growth? The section which describes college as “the next stop on my journey for self-enlightenment” and “the crescendo of my intellectual revolution catalyzed by professors who can awaken my mind, ignite my senses, and alter my perception of the world” is a little bit over the top. You don’t have to tell the reader that college is the next step in intellectual growth, the reader should be able to sense it from the essay itself.

注：essay出自哈佛成功ESSAY50篇第一版