穿过丛林中满是泥巴的草地，我们互相搀扶着穿过溪流，望着湖水、星星和树林，嗅着松柏和马匹的气息，我们一行十人走过了若隐若现的国度，这一切都发生在黎明之前，然后在一串瀑布面前停下了脚步，深深地沉醉在正在出生的太阳的美丽之中。火苗消退之前，天空像着了火一般，最后只留下了蓝色和白色。我看见太阳的余晖划落天空，并在消失于草地，我感到笑容划过了我的脸颊，对着天空，说了声谢谢。
我们继续着金字塔的旅程，我看见之前从未见过的花朵。在金字塔脚下，我兴奋地朝上看，然后平静下来。在恐惧中，还是作出决定，我要开始爬这座山。我发现了晶洞玉石，才明白像这样的大石头，也并不总是那么牢靠的。我不是一个人，但是我要靠自己的力量爬上这座山。终于到达山顶，我们四个人从山脚下爬上来，针尖一样的峰顶，远处连绵的山脉和数英里360度的风景清晰映入我们的眼帘，——这一切就像是在欢迎着我们，——不算这刺骨的冷风和这令人恐惧的高度的话。这有最简单的自然风光、日光和甜蜜的友谊，以及这些给我们带来的愉悦。被吹得满满的气球，系在我身上，人们围着我舞动脚步，放声尖叫，我忍不住地笑出了声。
下山的途中，我并没有像看到初升的太阳那样兴奋落泪，而是放声唱着自己很开心的歌曲。我也意识到真正的回报、激动和美好回忆是在旅途中而非到达目的地的那一刻。我以前也这样认为，并且还把这话说出来过，但是这次不一样（因为我亲身体验过）。我看着路边的一切，驻足、停歇甚至试图将每一幅景象刻在我的回忆里。被人们说的很老道的一句话“享受路上每一步看到的风景”就是我此刻的心声，而且我比之前的感触更丰富了。我对自己说永远不要忘记这一课。但当我自山顶返程，逐渐走向我素所熟悉的生活，我的想法又重回平淡——我人生中的每一步旅程不会都这如此富有挑战、刺激或者像这次一样有很大收获；尽管如此，路边的野花、晶玉、笑容和气球，都让我不虚此行。
我只为我自己和高山歌唱过，但是每一个人都听到了。这时，我回到了山脚，赢得了祝贺和微笑，但毕竟，曾经有气球系在我身上。
旅程继续。之前只能带给我们声音的瀑布，现在也露出了真容。而且我还跳进去，以看它是不是真的。我把头埋进湍流中，湍流却用它以冰冷和头痛回应我的勇敢。记得那时候我远离了水花，要下冰雹的时候将靴子穿起。我曾经许愿八月份的时候飘雪，但没想到真的要下冰雹了。我们几个刚刚还勇敢的在水里面玩耍，后来却因为暴风雨要来了，赶快去追赶丛林里的其他小伙伴们。
在白天，我看到了晚上看过（或者说看不见）的东西。曾经我们白天相扶着穿过的小溪也仅仅就是在阳光下穿行的一汪清流而已；神秘的树林也在阳光的照射下变得明朗。于是，我想，本质与现象间的距离是不是也如此之大呢？曾经经常陷进去的泥潭如今也仅仅是风景中的另一个看点；我曾以为的很难的事情也变得简单；以前常常绊倒的草地，晚上在上面走着看夜空中的星星，白天就要看云彩了，而且不知道暴风雨什么时候会来临。我懂得了不同的人会用不同的方式看待同一件事情。
远远的雷声响了，而后咆哮着。突然，伴着雷声的轰鸣，一道闪电在我们面前闪过。我和我的一个朋友看见了它，我们开始尖叫着大笑着跑进树林里，但是我知道我们不会有事，因为我们是在一起的。
月光下的跋涉，落日如火，闪烁的眼睛，13851英尺的高空，气球、玉石、歌声、冰冷的瀑布、冰雹和闪电曾是我十七岁的生日礼物。
分析
这篇ESSAY写的非常成功，因为它将爬山的所见所闻比作人生的旅程，结构严谨、条理清晰。完美再现作者初见美丽景象的第一反应到最后兴高采烈结束旅程的一天。
虽然每个段落长短不一，但它每一段就讲述了旅程中的一部分以及作者人生观念的一些改变。
作者用了很多生动的描述，这些描述使得读者很容易唤起读者的共鸣，感同身受。像这种“我把头埋进湍流中，湍流却用它以冰冷和头痛回应我的勇敢”，用词相当老道，让读者几乎也能感受到瀑布倾泻下来的时的冰凉和刺痛。白天和黑夜间的对比描写也很棒，作者很好的秀了一把她的对比手法。
读者可能会因为这篇文章中有些情节没有交代清楚而有些困惑，因为作者并没有讲她为什么去爬山。然而，通过她的细心描绘上山和下山途中的自然风景，以及个人感受，可以很清楚地看到作者的物质与情感的收获和进步。文章结尾的话，虽然没有足够深刻，但是却为文章做了很精彩的收尾。
参考essay英文原版
ESSAY14：A Memorable Day（难忘的一天）
-- by Ayana Elizabeth Johnson
Walking through meadow and forest and mud, helping and being helped across streams, looking at lakes, stars and trees, smelling pines and horses, and generally traveling through a half-seen world, all happened before four A.M. The ten of us stopped near a waterfall to absorb the beauty of the rising sun. The sky was on fire before the embers died out and only the blues and yellows remained. I saw the beams of the sun slide down from the sky and into a meadow, and felt my happiness slide down my cheeks. To the sky I sang my thanks.
As our journey to the Grand Pyramid continued, I met new flowers. At the base of its peak, I looked up with excitement, and then out for stability. Intimidated and yet determined, I started to crawl up the mountain. I found geodes, and that big rocks aren’t always stable. I wasn’t alone, but I was climbing by myself. At the top, the four of us who had continued from the base were greeted by the beauty of needle peaks and mountain ranges and miles of a clear view in every direction, without the bitterly cold winds and the fear of heights I had expected would be there too. There was simply nature and sunshine and friendship, and the elation they bring. Balloons were blown up and attached to me. People danced around me and shouted, and a smile I couldn’t control burst forth.
On the way down, instead of tears of joy that had accompanied the sunrise, there were songs of joy, and I thought. I realized that the rewards and thrills and memories are in the journey and not in reaching the destination. I had believed this before and even said it out loud, but this was different. I looked at everything along the way. I stopped and rested and attempted to etch each different view into my memory. The hackneyed phrase of “enjoying every step along the way” was something I lived, and as a result I felt richer than I had ever been. I promised myself that this lesson I would never forget, but as I was descending from the highest point to which I’d ever journeyed, my thoughts too returned to a more pragmatic level. I remembered that each journey in my life wouldn’t be as challenging or exciting or rewarding as this one had been; nevertheless, it is the flowers and geodes and smiles and balloons that make the journey worthwhile.
I had only been singing for myself and for the mountains, but everyone had heard me, and, when I reached the bottom, I was greeted with congratulations and laughter – after all, I did have balloons tied to me.
And the journey continued. The waterfall we had only really heard before day-break was now visible, and I was convinced to jump in and make it tangible too. I plunged my head under its torrential flow, only to receive a headache from its coldness as a reward for my boldness. I removed my-then-numbered-self from the water and was lacing up my boots when it began to hail. I had been wishing that snow would fall on this August day, but hail was close enough. The few of us who had braved the waterfall then ran to catch the group in the forest before the imminent thunderstorm arrived.
I saw in the daylight what I had (or rather hadn’t) seen in the moonlight. The streams we had helped each other cross in the dark were no more than rivulets through a field in the light. The mysterious woods were turned serene by the rays of the sun, and I thought of the great chasm that often exists between appearance and reality. The mud puddles that had been obstacles were now only another detail of the landscape, and I thought about things that are a challenge to me which others find simple. The meadow where I had tripped while trying to star-gaze and walk, became a place to cloud – gaze and wonder at the storm, and I thought of the many ways different people can appreciate the same thing.
The humbling thunder approached. It growled. Suddenly, the frighteningly beautiful companion of the thunder struck a hill not so far ahead of us. A friend, the only other person who had seen it, and I ran screaming and laughing into the trees, but knew we would be all right because we were together.
A trek by moonlight, a sky on fire, leaking eyes, 13,851feet up, balloons, geodes, songs, icy waterfalls, hail and lightning were my seventeenth birthday.
ANAYLYSIS
This easy is effective because it carries the metaphor of the journey of life from the climb up the mountain all the way through. The essay is well organized and structured, designed to represent the reconstruction of the author’s exciting day, starting with her initial reaction to the scenery to her elation of finishing at the end.
Each paragraph, though varied in length, tells a part of the journey and a change in the author’s growing perspective on life.
The author uses a lot of active description, which the reader can easily relate to and almost experience a part of her journey. Phrases such as “only to receive a headache from its coldness as a reward for my boldness,” speak poignantly because the reader can almost feel the sting of the dip in the waterfall. The comparison between daylight and moonlight also works well because it allows the writer a chance to demonstrate her ability to describe contrast.
The reader may be slightly disoriented by the lack of context for the story, as we are not told where the author is or why she is climbing a mountain. However, through the carefully controlled description the author reveals her reflective nature and personal realization as she ascends and descends the mountain, hence, showing the parallel physical and emotional progression. Her concluding sentence, though not particularly poignant, serves as a strong summary of a well-written piece.
注：essay出自哈佛成功ESSAY50篇之第一版
