我感到有些饿了，太阳光线很强，我穿了一件黑色的羊毛外套，里面是红色的棉内衣。在雾气蒙蒙的喜马拉雅山脚下，在达赖喇嘛的庇佑下，穿这样一件羊毛衫，很暖和。很长时间都没穿过这么一件厚外套了，尽管有些热，我还是舍不得脱掉。9月下旬，潮湿的天气，花朵也在凋谢，终于还是流起了鼻涕。雷神之锤的悲叹不绝于耳。
我朝The Barn走去，那是我们的食堂，但要在下午三点才会开放。这时，我想起了克林特-我三年级的英语老师，然后就转身哲回我的高中校园。克林特家的果盘里，总会放几根有几分熟透了的香蕉，而他总是因为给学生们做词汇测试而忘记吃。劳拉和克林特共用一间办公室，总会抱怨腐烂的水果发出的难闻气味，而克林特则总是系着蝴蝶状的领结，一边躬身于凌乱不堪的试卷里工作，一边自言自语地咕哝着……有时候，克林特会将手臂伸到劳拉的桌子上，手里拿着一根有点变形的香蕉，问道：“劳拉，你要吃香蕉么？”劳拉鼻子收紧，总是礼貌地回答“不了，谢谢，克林特”，带着些许反感地看着克林特狼吞虎咽地吃掉它。
天气很热，克林特先生办公室那厚重的木门一直开着。办公室里，电脑上一个小风扇发出一种很让人讨厌的声音，既像蜜蜂扇着翅膀不停地飞，又像嗞嗞磨牙的声音。旋转的扇叶前搭着一个小纸条，克林特从试卷里抬起头来，用一种纡尊降贵的鼻音问道，“纳特，有事吗？”我冷静地答到，“我能吃根香蕉吗，克林特先生？”汗珠却从鼻尖滴下来。
夹杂着一些同情和训斥，他抬起手臂指着灰色文件橱上面那个木质的碗。把三本词汇试卷挪走了，抓起松软、棕色、和着芬芳味道的香蕉，我终不再那么紧张了。我右手拿着香蕉，左手放在它的枝干上，随时准备享受掉我的“猎物”。。
一股细稠的液体渗到我的右手。我却没意识到这是香蕉漏出来的，便随手一丢，只听见砰地一声，紧跟着香蕉便炸开了，果肉横飞。这个场景一直留在我的脑海间，也让我觉得很快乐。
分析
在这片Essay中，希尔采用平铺直叙的方式来叙述令人难忘的往事。文章中希尔暗示他在喜马拉雅山麓，而且达赖喇嘛在给他做祷告，但他并没有围绕那些事情做文章，不管它是是有多重要或者多特别。相反的，他选了一个很简单的话题：饥饿和让人垂涎欲滴的香蕉。
希尔的强项还是在于描述性的语言。在ESSAY最后给读者深刻印象的还是生动的想象。每个读过这篇ESSAY的人，都会记住那根掉在地上，果肉飞溅的过熟香蕉。希尔的用词有时很精辟：“…ready to divest my prey”，就是一个很好的例证。用有力的语言，将他的饥饿程度和想吃香蕉的欲望写的惟妙惟肖。
当然，一些地方，还可以在加强一点。希尔在文章开头是有一些偏离主题的，比如他会说到达赖喇嘛和喜马拉雅，虽然有趣，但对叙述的主要话题，意义并不大。而且，希尔在运用对话描写和对克林特先生的描述上是有些笨拙的。如果将ESSAY后面几个段落再简单地延伸一下，会更好，因为他仅仅关注了香蕉和饥饿感，却忽视了对话和克林特先生的描写上。虽然有这些不足，但希尔还是巧妙地运用了一些技巧，写出了一篇值得关注和称赞的ESSAY。
英文原版ESSAY赏析
ESSAY16：Banana
By Nathan W. Hill
I was hungry and the sun impaled me on its searing ray. I wore a wool coat, black with red cotton lining. It had served me well in the misty foothills of the Himalayas, where His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, gave his blessing. The coat had recently returned from a long absence. I wore it despite the heat. The humid weather and the final wilting blossoms of late September conspired to fill my head with snot. The mighty hammer, Mjollnir, pounded his lament between my ears.
I walked down to The Barn, our cafeteria, but it wouldn’t open again until three. Then, I remembered Clint, my junior year English teacher, and walked back to the Upper School. Clint always kept a few overripe bananas in the fruit bowl with the past due vocab tests. Laura, who shared the office, complained of the fetid smell of rotten fruit and that Clint made grunting noises as he worked hunched in his bow tie, over a mound of disheveled papers. On occasion, he stretched his arm towards Laura’s desk and asked her, with a bruised banana dangling from his hand, “Would you like a banana, Laura?” With a crinkled nose, Laura always politely replied, “No, thank you, Clint,” and watched in disgust as he wolfed it down.
The heavy wooden door to Clint’s office stood propped open because of the heat. Inside, a small electric fan sat on top of the computer, it made an obnoxious noise between the sound of buzzing bees and chomping teeth. A tiny strip of paper darted before the spinning blades. Clint looked up from his work and asked with nasal condescension, “Can I help you, Nate?” I responded phlegmatically, “May I have a banana?” the sweat dripping off the end of my nose.
With a mixture of pity and reproach, he raised his arm to point at the wooden bowl on top of the gray file cabinet. I lifted three vocab tests away. I grabbed it, soft and brown. Its sweet aroma distracted me from the throbbing of my head. I held the banana in my right hand, and moved my left hand to its stem, ready to divest my prey.
A thin sticky liquid started seeping through my hand. Not expecting a banana to leak I dropped it, and heard a low thud, followed by splattering. The banana burst open; its mushy yellow guts flew. A dripping peel remained of my search for happiness.
ANALYSIS
Hill has taken the basic narrative form in this essay and transformed it into something memorable. While Hill has alluded to the fact that he was in the Himalayas and that he was given a blessing by the Dalai Lama, he does not dwell on those events, however significant or unique. Rather, he chooses to concentrate on simple topics: hunger and a coveted banana.
The strength of Hill’s essay rests with his descriptive language. The end of the essay particularly impacts the reader with vivid imagery. Few who read this essay will forget the image of an overripe banana exploding. Hill’s phrasing is at times perfect:”…ready to divest my prey,” is one such example of convincing, powerful language. Hill has conveyed the exact magnitude of his hunger and desire for that banana with this phrase.
A few areas could be strengthened, however. Hill is somewhat meandering in his opening, touching on topics like the Dalai Lama and the Himalayas, which though interesting are not significant to the main thrust of the narrative. Also, Hill’s use of dialogue and the description of Clint and Laura are a little awkward. He might have done better to have simply expanded upon the latter paragraphs of his essay, focusing more on the banana and his hunger and omitting this dialogue and the description of Clint. Despite these small complications, Hill has done the trick and produced an essay that demands attention and respect.
注：此篇ESSAY出自哈佛成功ESSAY50篇之第一版
