当你还是一个小女生的时候，有没有这样的经历：家里没人的时候，偷偷的打开母亲的衣柜，穿上大人的服饰、挎着公文包、登一双走路时候会“噔噔”作响的高跟鞋，像平时母亲上班时穿的行头一样，言语间、走路间、脸上的表情都会跟自己的年龄不符。当时心里别提多忐忑：既兴奋又紧张，兴奋的是自己瞬间好像长成一个大人了；紧张的是父母随时会回来抓住个现形。。。。。。
想象着每一位梦女孩的衣柜里都会珍藏一双颜色艳丽、魅力十足、闪闪发亮的高跟漆皮鞋，没人的时候穿上靓丽的服饰在屋内或像公主那样很淑女的走路，或像灰姑娘那样与王子跳着浪漫的舞曲，你看，昂贵的木质地板上都留下了它们的足迹（一道道浅浅的刮痕）。这种“生活必需品”在每一个家庭来说都是必不可少的，几乎每一位母亲都会随身准备一双这样的皮鞋备用做舞会等正式的场合，自然而然的，皮鞋也就成为了少女心中难舍的“情结”。我也不例外。但 “时尚”在我身上体现最多的就是“紧张”。
具体细节已经记不得了，只有一些很模糊的碎片：每到周末，母亲就会拽着五岁的我按照购物清单上罗列的商品数目开始逛街购物。事发当天，我们来到了这家商场的鞋店（the Stride-Rite），我皱着眉头在母亲的“胁迫”下极度不情愿的把小脚丫放在冰冷的金属度量器上（测验鞋码大小）。最后母亲给我买了一双黑色的皮鞋，并用糖果纸包裹装在了一个绿色的鞋盒里。
回到家里后，我迫不及待的打开盒子穿上皮鞋，小脚丫立刻就看不见了。我的奇思妙想好似滚滚洪水倾泻而出。说不上为什么会有这样的感觉，也许是其独特的设计也许是奢华的切口吧。总之一句话，我被彻底的征服了。不管是什么场合，我都像吃了兴奋剂似的，时时刻刻都要炫耀一下。因为，我觉得我的“舞鞋”是最酷的。
到了该睡觉的时候，我还是舍不得脱掉它们。我总是会固执的坚持“它们太太太漂亮了”。不管妈妈怎么劝我都是徒劳，所以，最终我成功的穿着自己的“骄傲”、配上漂亮的芭比睡衣、开心的在铺着粉色床单的床上欢呼着、跳跃着。可是，等我睡着了，母亲就会“潜藏”进我的卧室，脱下我的“骄傲”，把它放到衣柜里，一个原本就属于它的地方。
每每这个时候，我就非常生气，我觉得这么做简直是一种背叛。我不会这么容易被打败。一旦母亲脱下我的爱鞋，等她出去，我随即会冲下床，开始地毯式搜索直到找到它们。不用说，第二天我又开心的穿着它们“骄傲”啦。
如今，我很高兴的说我已经不是当初那个只热衷于一双黑色皮鞋的我了。我可以更加自信的说我已经告别了那个物质的自私的我。但是，我的决心不变，直到今天，它依然承载着我勇往直前的决心，即使当初对爱鞋的动力已经转移到了其他活动中：网球运动、西班牙语学习或是敏感的政治话题。如果一件事没有做好，我会一直一直努力着直到把它做到完美为止。
我已经长大了，不会再像当初那个懵懂无知的小女孩儿那样，那么痴迷一双鞋。毕竟，那双爱鞋早已不是我的菜。但我要说的是无论未来我选择什么样的道路，我都会踏实认真尽我最大的努力做到最好，而且重要的是，我会穿着一双绝对“杀手”高跟鞋以全新的我亮相。
哈佛招生官精彩点评
首先，这篇ESSAY做到了各个大学招生官的要求：结构清晰主题明确。作者通过语言形象生动的展示了“皮鞋”与“昂贵的地板”。只需简单轻松熟悉的描写，就能把读者完全带入作者的世界。就时尚一说，作者举最简单易懂的例子让招生官看到了人物性格的塑造。
文章最大的特色就是作者聪慧幽默的描写能力。作者引用成熟的、逻辑清晰的又不缺乏稚气的语言描绘的“与母亲商场购物”“穿着爱鞋的经历”都不落俗套。
更重要的是细节描写，如：“I . . . wore them with my Barbie nightgown and hopped between my pink sheets with a contented smile”。一位活泼可爱的小女孩形象跃然纸上。但除了细节描写外，最绝的要属作者敏锐的洞察力和落脚点。
文章最大的问题还是回归在句尾总结段，有些老生常谈了。作者一直在向读者证明自己的决心和意志，那作者就需要在坚持穿皮鞋和塑造成功的生活之间建立一条紧密的纽带联系，但是，作者这部分的描写恰恰是全文最弱的地方。但无论如何，这篇ESSAY在写作和幽默的用词上还是让人称绝，且让人们看到了一个活泼可爱的人物形象。
原文鉴赏
(25)MOLLY KELLY—“TODDLER COUTURE”
With endless colors to choose from, a glamorous, sparkly shine, and the unparalleled ability to create spectacular scuff marks on your mom’s prized wooden floors, a staple in any fashionable young girl’s wardrobe is the patent leather shoe. This shoe, often overlooked and almost never fully appreciated, is the go-to solution for all moms in need—it goes with any party dress, and their daughters always adore the selection! When I was a young girl, my style was no exception to this continuing trend—I wore these shoes with many an outfit. However, my childhood fashion experiences were rather heightened by something not so typical:my intense, borderline aberrant obsession.
I can’t remember the exact details of the day that started it all, but I do have a hazy recollection. On those weekend days that you devote entirely to errands, my mom always dragged my cranky five-year-old self with her to each store written on her to-do list. On the day in question, there was an unexpected stop: the shopping mall. In the Stride-Rite shoe store, our destination, there is no doubt in my mind that I scowled and whined belligerently at having to place my foot on the cold metal measure to find my size. However, my mom obviously forced me through it, and we left the store with my new black shoes, wrapped in confetti tissue paper and nestled in a green shoebox.
At home, with these wondrous, magical shoes ensconcing my small feet, my infatuation bloomed. I don’t know what it was—maybe the unique luster or perhaps their dainty flowery cutouts?—but something about them captivated my attention. No matter what the occasion, I wore them with an effervescent, immutable glow and flaunted them incessantly. Quite simply, I thought my “party shoes” were the coolest!
When bedtime arrived, I refused to take the shoes off. “They’re too pretty!” I would stubbornly resist. All of my mother’s efforts to convince me otherwise were futile. So, she acquiesced, and I, reveling in my glorious success, wore them with my Barbie nightgown and hopped between my pink sheets with a contented smile. However, after I fell asleep, my mom would always sneak back into my room, pry the shoes from my feet, and place them back in the closet where they belonged.
When my mom took my shoes from me, I was not happy. In the throes of my indignant angst, I thought it was the deepest form of betrayal. But, the driven never accept defeat. If my mom took my beloved shoes from me, I would spring from my bed and scour the room, searching passionately until I found them. Inevitably, by the following morning, I would be wearing my shoes once more.
Today, I am happy to say that I am no longer addicted to wearing shiny black party shoes. And, I can confidently tell you that my passions and desires are far less materialistic and selfish. However, my determination has not wavered; to this day, it is this single trait that carries me forward. My drive, previously centered on my adorable patent leather shoes, has intensified and redirected itself to cover a wide range of activities—whether it’s my tennis serve, Spanish-speaking skills, or political acumen, if I am ever dissatisfied with something, I devote myself completely to perfecting it.
In the future, I doubt I’ll be furiously pushing for a reunion with a pair of shoes. Patent leather just isn’t my style anymore! However, rest assured: With whatever path I choose, I will do everything within my power to succeed. And, just as important, I will be wearing some killer stilettos.
COMMENTARY
The author’s well-thought-out piece accomplishes with ease what any college essay should first and foremost aim to do: display the author’s ability to write clearly and effectively. She displays her facility with language, imbuing her essay with colorful details and quirky observations, like the all-important patent leather shoes and her mother’s “prized wooden floors.” The writer describes this peculiar pastime with a familiar and comfortable ease, inviting the reader into her world. In discussing her affinity for fashion as a young girl, the writer goes one step beyond simple storytelling and clues the admissions officers in to one aspect of her personality through a fun and fanciful recollection.
The essay’s greatest strength lies in its author’s descriptive abilities, coupled with her charm and humor. Whether she is reminiscing about a shoe-shopping adventure with her mother or recounting the physical details of her patent leather sandals, the author carries the reader to the scenes of her youth with a mature and well-developed voice, balanced with a childlike fancifulness that ensures that the essay does not fall too deep into the common mold of the serious college essay. Through her careful usage of both adult language and controlled humor, the author is able to convey a convincing whimsy that few others would be able to generate.
Furthermore, her attention to detail—sentences such as “I . . . wore them with my Barbie nightgown and hopped between my pink sheets with a contented smile”—ensures that the admissions officers are left with a clear picture of her girly and happy-go-lucky nature. But it’s not merely her use of description—the author is selective about her details, careful to choose images that most accurately depict her character.
However, the essay ultimately reverts to referencing overusedclichésin its concluding paragraphs. The writer relies on stating outright to the reader that she is a determined and persistent person. This issue may stem from her need to establish a more direct link between her determination to wear her patent leather shoes and her drive to succeed in other aspects of her life, perhaps suggesting that her topic choice may have been a weak metaphor for displaying this aspect of her character. Indeed, the downfall of a topic choice that makes itself an optimal subject of humor is the potential problem of an essay that strives too hard to connect the humor with the profound, the whimsy with the meaningful. Despite this concern, this piece ultimately succeeds in showcasing her writing abilities and her humorous and fun-loving personality.
—Lucy Chen
