村里有这样一则传说：当一个人死后，他必须收集到所有留在世间的脚印，这样才可以升入天堂。村里的人都对此深信不疑。因此，村里大部分村民都不愿出远门。大家就呆在这个村子里每天过着安逸简单的生活。父亲的童年时光也是在这个村子里度过的，但是，父亲的想法却与旁人的不同。
我父亲的父亲曾在上海是一名大夫，所以，父亲从小特别爱读书，怀揣着“为社会做贡献而读书”的志愿，要上大学。但是，在当时的中国，“文革”的浪潮已经掀起，关闭了父亲的那所大学就此他的求学之梦破了，更糟糕的是，他被下放农村，从此，他的“梦想”只是学习如何做一个普普通通的农民。他被迫接受了这一切命运的安排。他孤身一人来到乡下。在那里没有亲人，甚至连中学教育也没有，但父亲对未来依然抱有希望，只是其中有太多不确定的因素。他开始自学，他相信不管现实如何黑暗，周围环境如何恶劣，知识一定能使未来的生活更加光明。
延续了十年的“文革”终于结束了。我的父亲和全中国刚刚高中毕业的数以千万计的学生一同参加高考，竞争新开放的几所学校。皇天不负有心人，父亲以当时的高分被当时享誉全国的“北大”录取。那一刻，他意识到自己想要留学海外攻读神经科学并在美国成为这方面专家的梦想已不再遥远。
虽然，我从未去过中国也从未在农村生活过，但每天从父亲的故事里，我都能了解一二。他给我灌输了很多观点：要珍惜眼前的幸福生活；要热爱学习；要勇于追求自己的理想。我从中学到了：没有什么阶梯能够直通天堂，只有靠自己的踏实认真一步一个脚印走出来的路才是真理。
我一直把这句话铭记心中，直到有一天我也决定同父亲一样“离乡背井”。当年父亲要努力挣扎才能获得成功的机遇，如今的我要加倍努力做到物尽其用。我不断的激励自己提高自己和周围的一切。我走了一条目标很高的道路并鼓励我周围的朋友也能做到最好。
从小到大，我已听父亲讲过很多关于他和农村的故事。现在，我也有了自己的故事与他分享。无论是近期的校报或是一次成功的乐器演奏，再者年度文学期刊选题，他总是听着听着就笑了。
我梦想有一天我要去父亲说的“农村”看一看。那是一条很遥远的道路，一路上我的身后会留下无数长长的脚印。但或许简单理解村民口里的传说就是：人要对自己做过的事负责任，即脚踏实地。当那天真的来了，我要收集脚印的时候，我希望我留下来的每一个脚印都是深刻的、积极的，对后世有一定影响的。
这样一来，才不枉在人世间走了一遭吧！
ESSAY赏析
这篇ESSAY的前半部分不错。作者将村民的观点和父亲的观点以及自己的观点做对比，直接的表达出了作者的冒险精神和勇气。这也巧妙的抓住了作者的个人爱好以及求知的渴望。另外一方面就是描写父亲成功的经历，很好。
尽管这篇文章简单易懂，说服力强，但作者还是没有很好的展示出自己的抱负。文章后半部分在描写“家乡”应该注意提高。作者应该着重描写自己是如何制定高目标又是如何帮助鼓励周围人的。作者原本可以用几个具体的实力来说明，这样会让文章更有力量，更能突出作者的影子。
“人物”这类话题很容易造成一种误区，突出夸大文中的“重要人物”而忽视了现实中的重要人物“自己”。作者应该在后半部分更多的分享自己。作者重笔墨的描写父亲的美德对自己的影响更像是一篇启发性散文。需要注意！
—Anita Hofschneider
ESSAY原文鉴赏
(43)PHILLIP ZHANG—“THE JOURNEY”
In the rural Chinese village where my father spent his adolescence, people believed that upon a man’s death, he must collect all the footprints he has ever laid before being allowed to enter heaven. The villagers concluded that it therefore must be best not to venture far from home, and so they allowed the myth to bind them to their simple, everyday lives. My father saw things differently.
The son of a Shanghai doctor, my father grew up with dreams of studying and, later, working in a university for the benefit of society. But when that society, in the chaos of the Cultural Revolution, seemingly betrayed him by shutting down its universities and shipping him off into the countryside to “learn from the peasants,” he was forced to reconsider his options. Separated from his family and without even a middle-school education, he remained hopeful, but uncertain, about his future. He began to learn on his own, believing that knowledge would serve him well regardless of his surroundings.
Ten years later at the end of the Cultural Revolution, my father took the national college entrance examination, competing with tens of millions of high school graduates for a limited number of places in the newly reopened schools. Remarkably, he received one of the highest scores on the examination and was admitted to Peking University, the nation’s most prestigious institution. Later, he realized his dreams of studying neuroscience abroad and becoming a professor in the United States.
Although I have never lived in China, or in a rural farming village, I draw daily inspiration from my father’s stories. He has bestowed in me a deep appreciation for life, a love of learning, and the courage to pursue my dreams. I have learned that there is no one “stairway” to heaven—we make our own path.
I keep this in mind as I prepare for the day when I, too, must venture away from the comfort of my own “village.” While my father struggled to obtain opportunities to succeed, I endeavor to make full use of those that have been offered to me. Constantly striving to improve myself and my surroundings, I take the high road and encourage those around me to do so as well.
Growing up, I heard many stories about my father’s life in the village. Now, I have stories of my own to share with him. Whether they are about the latest issue of the school newspaper, a successful chamber music performance, or this year’s literary magazine theme, they always bring a smile to his face.
One day I hope to visit my father’s old village. It is a long way from home, and I would leave many footprints along the way. But perhaps the real meaning of the villagers’ parable is simply that we must all review and take responsibility for our deeds here on Earth—a theme of universal importance despite its humble origins in a rural Chinese village. When the time comes to collect my footprints, I hope to have left some lasting, positive impression on the lives of others.
Then, the journey will have been worth it.
COMMENTARY
The main strengths of this applicant’s essay lie in the first half. Contrasting the mind-set of the villagers with his father’s—and by extension his own—is an effective way to convey the applicant’s sense of adventure and courage. It also cleverly grabs the reader’s interest and makes him or her want to learn more. Another strength is the inclusion of the story of the author’s father’s struggle for success.
Though the tale is simple and compelling, it does not convey the applicant’s own ambition loudly enough. The latter part of the essay could be improved by driving home this point. The applicant’s assertion that he takes the high road and encourages others comes off as a little self-congratulatory. As that sentence comes right after the statement about taking advantage of opportunities, it might serve the applicant better to give more specific examples of the opportunities he has pursued.
One challenge that comes with this type of essay, which includes so much about another person’s life, is the danger of conveying very little about the applicant. It might have served the author better to use a larger portion of the latter half of the essay to share more about himself through relating his life to his father’s. Devoting more time to communicating information about how the applicant shares the virtues he admires in his father would have made for more illuminating prose.
—Anita Hofschneider
